The dream of you

Last night I dreamed of you,
You appeared unchanged, just how i remembered you,
With your sharp bright blue eyes and your glowing white appearance,
I felt a sense of belonging, comfort, longing, warmth,
This morning as i walked on the bridge i thought of this dream,
I realised I missed you and my heart agreed.
As i write this i seem wish i could lean on you for support,
Curl up into a ball for you to tell me everythings going to be ok,
To tell me that im just fine without you,
To tell me that its been 10 years and i should of moved on already,
To tell me that ive survived this far without giving up,
To tell me that ive done well and that i deserve to be happy,
But I can’t help but remember my past today,
Remembering how you made me feel,
Remembering what you represented in my life,
Remembering who i was before,
Remember how happy you made me.
No matter what year it is or how old i am,
You’ll still remain in my heart.

Late night

Late at night we stroll into the dark,
Cold but warmed by our cosy winter coats,
Holding your hand makes me feel safe and secure,
The stars shine high in the sky, the moon curved and halved.
A slight wind makes the trees speak in the night,
Quiet it may be, with only our breath to guide us,
Footsteps synced together as we walk,
Our shadows merge together as if we are one,
Street lights appear to separate us in two,
Our late night walk comes to a end where we both go back to being one.

Nevermind

I knew it from the beginning it was going to be hard,
living in the world isn’t all fun and games,
I couldn’t bring myself to see it before and I can’t seem to pull myself to see anymore.
The lies and all the misfortune have wrapped this world in a tightly bond.
Can I breathe ?
Can I see?
Nevermind I will keep on living for you.

Into the darkness we go

What do you have planned for me?
What route should I take next?
I am so confused and afraid,
Yet,I am so curious what I would find,
Into the darkness we go.

The wind seems to knock me down every step,
Are you testing me?
Do you want me to give up?
I lose hope easily and you know this,
Into the storm we go.

I am plunged into the sea,
The wave uncontrollably fast and wild,
Am I going to drown?
I feel overwhelmed,
What are you doing to me?
Into the deep dark sea we go.

Longing

I still miss you,
Even till this day my heart still longs for you,
My memory blurry and unforgettable,
Soon to be forgotten,
I hold on to something I feel in my heart,
It fades a little everyday.

I don’t want to let you go,
Everytime I try, you seem to appear before me,
And I fall back into your eyes,
And you fall back into my heart.

I Want To Choose Life !!

This year I have decided to give myself a new start, I have begun the process of looking into options of volunteering somewhere I’m not sure what I want to do but I  feel volunteering will give me an insight of possibilities that might be out there for me. So far I have a few options that maybe be suitable either volunteering in a art center or volunteering in a mental health service both I have interest in. I am in the process of choose which one i would like to do but I am so indecisive, both are equally rewarding and filled with amazing experiences.

I want to choose life for the first time,

I want to live rather than exist in the world,

I want to be alive rather than live in my own head,

I want to experience life for all that it is,

I want to embrace life as if I had never hated it,

I want to start living again,

I want to find myself,

I want to know what I can be, who I can be, where I can be,

I want to choose life as if I had never been hurt by it.

Breathe

Somehow I still feel unable to breathe even with all this space,
The world can seem so big yet I still feel restricted and confined in one space.
Even with all the space in the world I still can’t feel able to breathe,
When will I be able to leave.

With the world so big my eyes can barely capture it all,
My perception of the world has been deluded from staring at the same walls,
My attention constantly being directed to something more and something new,
Everything in my mind is telling me its all untrue.

I couldn’t capture everything even if I tried,
I wish I wouldn’t lie,
I only wanted to open myself to the real world,
Instead of being trapped in what seemed like the netherworld.

 

.

This dream

Everyday I seem to be stuck in the same place,
Everywhere I go seem so familiar but also strange at the same time,
I can’t seem to escape this dream that I have created,
Everyday seems like groundhog day.

There are days when I miss different people,
There are days that I wish I would stop thinking about it,
There are days that I feel very distant from myself and others,
I can’t seem to escape this place I lock myself in.

Sometimes I wish I could say I love myself,
Sometimes I wish I could say I cherish every moment of my life,
Sometimes I wish I could be my best friend,
But I can’t seem to put the words together.

Everyday I return back to the same place,
Where I wait patiently for someone to save me,
But no one ever comes,
It would seem by now someone would have knocked on my door.

There are days that I wish I could keep myself together,
There are days that I feel nothing but numbness,
There are days that I am overloaded with emotion,
There are days that I wonder where I store all of this.

If only I love myself,
If only I had the strength to save myself,
If only I could see how much I matter,
If only I didn’t feel this way.

 

Thoughts at the Museum

I was getting lost within all these walls,
rooms filled with history and nostalgia,
A part of me wishes I could understand and see it all,
But instead I was overwhelmed by it.

I wanted to be inspired,
I wanted to immerse myself in its history,
I wanted to lose myself in its curiosity and discovery,
But instead I was haunted by my own history.

Walking through decades of discoveries,
It made me feel inevitably small,
I grew tired and restless quickly,
However, I couldn’t stop trying to catch everything in sight.
It was as if I couldn’t leave without seeing everything first.

Objects lay in glass cabinets,
It started to become boring and repetitive,
Numbered for your convenience,
The glass is covered in traces of fingerprints,
It was as if other people realized how impersonal the museum has become,
But also realizing how destructive people can be at the same time.

The grand clock tower would chime at every hour I stayed in the building,
It echoed through the stone cold walls,
Travelling through every gap of the building,
It sent vibrations through the atmosphere to draw you into its story,
people stopped and gathered beneath it like it was some sort of sacred ritual,
For a moment it seem like time had stopped.

The Night

The Night

dark and cold,

endless and almost unrecognizable space,

black and white,

where the moon  has taken colour from the world

as if it was some sort of curse,

the stars and the moon shine brightly upon the night sky,

trying to tell you their secrets,

but secretly trying to illude you with its beauty.