This week has been difficult to pass. I’ve been feeling super low this week I don’t know if its because of the weather change over here in Scotland/darker days or I’ve got a lot on my mind which i can’t seem to work out at all. I recently been having super strange dreams and i remember most of it when i wake up they all seem to have a similar story murder, death or some sort of disappointment, or strangeness to them.
My motivation has seem to run dry right now I don’t feel like drawing or writing that much, eating seem difficult to do too. It would seem i have a hard choice deciding what to eat everyday i just don’t have any cravings for food I normally think about food 24/7 but lately its something that bothers me a lot, normally i want something particular but there no food am craving for not even chocolate !! which is a surprise.
I found it difficult to get up from my bed even though that made even more anxious and depressed to stay in it.
Dialogue: With myself in the morning
Me: I should probably get up.
Thought: What’s the point?
Me:Because this will make me feel worse.
Thought: It’s freezing I don’t want to get up.
Me: But if i get moving I will get warm.
Thought: you should stay in bed its already warm in here.
Anxiety: How old are you? Shouldn’t you do anything productive?
Thought:Yes,that’s right your so useless
Me: Go away please
Anxiety: What must people think of you
Thought: they probably think your crazy or even just lazy and that there must be something wrong with you.
Anxiety: Can you imagine the looks they will give you
Thought: haha Yes, All those judgmental looks here we come!!
Me:PLEASE WILL YOU SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!!!
***********Silence*************
Anxiety:What time is it, are you still in bed?
Thought: Yes, she is she so lazy and fat
Anxiety: What if she breaks the bed? the mattress seems to have dent in it already.
Thought: haha,Its all the emotional eating she does, which i will take some responsibility in.
Anxiety:I’m getting so fat, soon there be no clothes that will fit me anymore.
Anxiety: I should probably stop eating so much this worries me.
**************Stomach grumbles and growls***************
Me: I’m Hungry,I should get some food.
Thought:What food? What food should i have?
Me: I should eat something healthy.
Thought: That’s no fun eat some junk its quick and easy.
Me: Its true, but its not good for me and i’ll feel worse.
Thought: Chocolate makes everything better!!! It’s what scientist say.
Me:No, i need proper food that actually nourishes me
Thought: URGHH but am too lazy to do anything.
Anxiety: What if it tastes horrible
Me: I want to stop writing this now.
************ To be Continued or not ****************