Late night

Late at night we stroll into the dark,
Cold but warmed by our cosy winter coats,
Holding your hand makes me feel safe and secure,
The stars shine high in the sky, the moon curved and halved.
A slight wind makes the trees speak in the night,
Quiet it may be, with only our breath to guide us,
Footsteps synced together as we walk,
Our shadows merge together as if we are one,
Street lights appear to separate us in two,
Our late night walk comes to a end where we both go back to being one.

Into the darkness we go

What do you have planned for me?
What route should I take next?
I am so confused and afraid,
Yet,I am so curious what I would find,
Into the darkness we go.

The wind seems to knock me down every step,
Are you testing me?
Do you want me to give up?
I lose hope easily and you know this,
Into the storm we go.

I am plunged into the sea,
The wave uncontrollably fast and wild,
Am I going to drown?
I feel overwhelmed,
What are you doing to me?
Into the deep dark sea we go.

Longing

I still miss you,
Even till this day my heart still longs for you,
My memory blurry and unforgettable,
Soon to be forgotten,
I hold on to something I feel in my heart,
It fades a little everyday.

I don’t want to let you go,
Everytime I try, you seem to appear before me,
And I fall back into your eyes,
And you fall back into my heart.

I Want To Choose Life !!

This year I have decided to give myself a new start, I have begun the process of looking into options of volunteering somewhere I’m not sure what I want to do but I  feel volunteering will give me an insight of possibilities that might be out there for me. So far I have a few options that maybe be suitable either volunteering in a art center or volunteering in a mental health service both I have interest in. I am in the process of choose which one i would like to do but I am so indecisive, both are equally rewarding and filled with amazing experiences.

I want to choose life for the first time,

I want to live rather than exist in the world,

I want to be alive rather than live in my own head,

I want to experience life for all that it is,

I want to embrace life as if I had never hated it,

I want to start living again,

I want to find myself,

I want to know what I can be, who I can be, where I can be,

I want to choose life as if I had never been hurt by it.

Breathe

Somehow I still feel unable to breathe even with all this space,
The world can seem so big yet I still feel restricted and confined in one space.
Even with all the space in the world I still can’t feel able to breathe,
When will I be able to leave.

With the world so big my eyes can barely capture it all,
My perception of the world has been deluded from staring at the same walls,
My attention constantly being directed to something more and something new,
Everything in my mind is telling me its all untrue.

I couldn’t capture everything even if I tried,
I wish I wouldn’t lie,
I only wanted to open myself to the real world,
Instead of being trapped in what seemed like the netherworld.

 

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This dream

Everyday I seem to be stuck in the same place,
Everywhere I go seem so familiar but also strange at the same time,
I can’t seem to escape this dream that I have created,
Everyday seems like groundhog day.

There are days when I miss different people,
There are days that I wish I would stop thinking about it,
There are days that I feel very distant from myself and others,
I can’t seem to escape this place I lock myself in.

Sometimes I wish I could say I love myself,
Sometimes I wish I could say I cherish every moment of my life,
Sometimes I wish I could be my best friend,
But I can’t seem to put the words together.

Everyday I return back to the same place,
Where I wait patiently for someone to save me,
But no one ever comes,
It would seem by now someone would have knocked on my door.

There are days that I wish I could keep myself together,
There are days that I feel nothing but numbness,
There are days that I am overloaded with emotion,
There are days that I wonder where I store all of this.

If only I love myself,
If only I had the strength to save myself,
If only I could see how much I matter,
If only I didn’t feel this way.

 

Thoughts at the Museum

I was getting lost within all these walls,
rooms filled with history and nostalgia,
A part of me wishes I could understand and see it all,
But instead I was overwhelmed by it.

I wanted to be inspired,
I wanted to immerse myself in its history,
I wanted to lose myself in its curiosity and discovery,
But instead I was haunted by my own history.

Walking through decades of discoveries,
It made me feel inevitably small,
I grew tired and restless quickly,
However, I couldn’t stop trying to catch everything in sight.
It was as if I couldn’t leave without seeing everything first.

Objects lay in glass cabinets,
It started to become boring and repetitive,
Numbered for your convenience,
The glass is covered in traces of fingerprints,
It was as if other people realized how impersonal the museum has become,
But also realizing how destructive people can be at the same time.

The grand clock tower would chime at every hour I stayed in the building,
It echoed through the stone cold walls,
Travelling through every gap of the building,
It sent vibrations through the atmosphere to draw you into its story,
people stopped and gathered beneath it like it was some sort of sacred ritual,
For a moment it seem like time had stopped.

The Night

The Night

dark and cold,

endless and almost unrecognizable space,

black and white,

where the moon  has taken colour from the world

as if it was some sort of curse,

the stars and the moon shine brightly upon the night sky,

trying to tell you their secrets,

but secretly trying to illude you with its beauty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happiness

I worry about where my mind is going to take me,
I wonder if it will make my heart hate myself,
I worry about time while I am being transported through my thoughts.

I wonder where I will land,
I worry it will make me feel sad,
I wonder how long it will last,
I worry that I will be here for days, weeks and maybe months.

I wonder if I will be able to manage it,
I worry if I don’t i’ll feel like a failure,
I wonder if this is true.

I worry about the truth,
I wonder what kind of person I am,
I worry about how people see me,
I wonder if am any good,
I worry that one day I will realize my own reality.

I wonder if I will be able to stop,
I worry to loose a part of me that has controlled me for a long time,
I wonder if I will miss it or if it will miss me.

I worry because living without it seem too strange,
I wonder sometimes what it would feel like,
I worry how much it will change me,
I wonder if I will like it,
I worry about liking it,
I wonder if it will make me happy,
I worry about being happy.

In That Moment

A moment ago i was lost,
I was lost and unloved,
Not just lost but hidden so I can’t be found,
A moment ago seemed like it was just a second ago.

Broken dreams lie in pieces on the ground,
Yet easily pieced back together like a puzzle,
Crushed and stepped on making more fragments,
Until your unable to know how many pieces you have.

A moment can change it all,
A moment can be so small,
A moment might just make you fall,

Into the darkness we go.

I couldn’t believe it,
Not even for bit,
Not even for a moment which seemed like forever,
Forever that i wish would never come.

A moment that makes no sense,
A moment when i became lost in my own fragments.